So, it becomes reality. The production I was whining on about in an earlier article has finally hit the trailers scene. The completely unnecessary remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) is almost upon us.
The original internet-quality trailer can be found here, whereas if you want to experience the full horror (oh yes, that was sarcasm) you can see it in cringe-making HD here. What’s wrong with this movie? Well, you can check out my original article and the discussion it generated for a kick-off. Firstly, it is a complete bloody travesty to have even considered remaking such a seminal piece of cinema. Secondly, refer to the first point.
“Oh,” I hear you say, “how can you critcize it so without having seen it?” Easy, really. It is simply the worst idea since elasticated crimplene slacks. Just watch the trailer if you really want to know how it’s going to be – formulaic tripe. Hushed voices in The Pentagon, tired disaster-movie CGI and Keanu Reeves expecting to be taken seriously ‘delivering a message about global warming’. God only knows how they’re going to contrive to make a horse’s arse out of the star of the show, Gort. With any luck, Armageddon, The Rapture or that meteor colliding with The Earth will happen before this utter tosh is pushed on a largely unsuspecting public. Oh yeah – and I’m still waiting for someone to comment and tell me I’m wrong…
Eight inches, Dude…
It seems a lot of movie fans are male (those who choose to write about them, anyway) and – according to my good lady – all men are just big kids. As if she needed any further proof positive, a certain section of the movie-going public are tempted to buy ‘action figures’. These are basically dollies for big boys (and girls). You’ll all have seen the Star Wars ones, of course, and many of you may have picked up a McAction McFigure (TM) when purchasing a certain meal that creates a feeling of enormous well-being (it may even make you, erm, ‘Happy’, say) but the ones I have to show you here are just a bit different. Over on Boing Boing Gadgets, I notice there is a Regan action figure, bent over backwards and crawling down the stairs – just like in The Excorcist (1973). I can’t wait for the rest of the series – Father Merrin hanging out in the street, with light shining from Regan’s window?
And be sure to get your order in for The Dude action figure from The Big Lebowski (1998). Not available until August, you can pre-order here to get the only thing you’ll need to complete your life. For a piffling $24.99, The Dude can be yours – and where else could you get eight inches of synthetic joy for less? Not only do you get the figure itself, but also the shades, the White Russian, the bathrobe and an authentic cloth rug which, I’m sure you’ll agree, really ties the action figure together.
By the way, Picturenose is in no way affiliated with either of these earth-shattering retail opportunities, and I for one think it’s all a bit silly…
Picturenose reviews the remake here.
I always thought Keanu’s acting skills were a bit robotic, so I think he should play Gort as well.
Also, it’s a bit misanthropic of you to hope that all life forms on planet Earth will be wiped before the film is released.
BTW, one of the astronauts on Apollo 14 in a radio interview has said that he has seen aliens. Now, I think that is worthy of a ‘whoa’ comment…
Misanthropic? It’d be a blessing compared to the alternative.
I heard about the astronaut guy (can’t remember his name though) and it appears now that David Duchovny also claims to have met our friends from outer space. Pretty convenient as he has a new film out, eh?