Picturenose

Do you remember those halcyon days of the ‘video cassette’? You know, when you used to get a big, bulky package containing, well, a video cassette and, sometimes, if you were really lucky, a card inviting the studio to spam you unto death by snail mail?

These days, you can go to your local DVD outlet and buy a boxed something that’s one-quarter the size of a cassette, but with a bewildering array of extras. Some versions of movies come with as many as (and sometimes more than) three extra discs full of movie trailers, out-takes, deleted scenes, set documentaries, ‘The Making Of’ feature/ette, internet links, cast filmographies, director’s notes, storyboards, hot buttered toast…

Do you think these actually provide good value, or are the DVD pushers all trying to compete, leading to a glut of tat on the discs? This is not a rhetorical question, by the way, I really would like to know what you think. I’m going to tell you what I think, and let’s see if we agree.

Easter Eggs: These are the little extra extras you can get - although sometimes you’ll need three hands to do all the tricks you need to do to get at them. They are so called because you have to find them, usually by pressing a combination of buttons on your remote, or playing silly buggers with the menus. For example, check out this text from dvdeastereggs.com:

“From the disc’s Main Menu, go to the Special Features section. Now, just watch Austin do his little schtick and don’t touch anything. After about one minute, Dr. Evil’s space ship will come by, leaving the Evil symbol behind. Click on the symbol and you’ll be treated to a number of features, including the 20-minute Comedy Central Special.”

Yeah? Well, if it’s so bloody special, why can’t they just put it where you can find it?

Deleted Scenes: I’m not sure about these. It is kind of interesting to see what was taken out of the final cut of a movie, that’s for sure. Some of the deleted scenes I’ve sat through, I’ve ended up thinking to myself “Hmm, now I know why they hit the cutting room floor”. I think that they are largely for completists only as a general rule, but would not deny they can be illuminating.

Cast Filmographies: Space fillers - avoid.

Director/Cast/Crew/Clapper Loader Commentaries: As with deleted scenes, these can be a real insight into the creative process. They can also be terminally dull. You’ve seen the movie - why would you now watch it another six times to hear what everyone thought of it? You obviously have no life. Do yourself a favour and get a hobby/job/girlfriend.

Cast Photos: OK. You’ve just sat through a two-hour movie with Nicole Kidman in (which may or may not be a good thing, depending on the movie) and you can’t remember what she looks like? Really?

Storyboards: Pretty much as above. You’ve just seen it - do you really need to see a bunch of poorly-drawn comic panes telling you what’s going to happen?

Out-takes and “bloopers”: Christ, I hate the word “bloopers”. I prefer “cock-ups” myself. It’s tantamount to the American sanitization of “titbits” to “tidbits” - just say it, nobody will die. Where was I? Oh yeah - isn’t it funny when an actor who’s paid $1m for half an hour’s work can’t deliver a line one of my kids could do in a school play? No. No, it isn’t. By the time they get to take 13 I want to hurt them.

‘The Making Of…’ Documentary: Probably the only thing worth watching on any set of extras. Usually interesting, and providing a broad overview of how the film came into being. Unless, of course, it turns into a total luvvie-fest: “Ya, and like, Mike - he was like sooo cool and easy to work with, y’know?” Blehhh.

Internet Links: Because no-one can Google ‘George Clooney’.

Hot Buttered Toast: Yum.

So, I reckon you have the gist of my point here. What do you think? Do you think the extras are there in an attempt to justify the often exhorbitant cover price, or are they giving good value for money? Don’t be afraid to respond. I am, as James will point out, “a curmudgeonly old git”, but I can often be quite friendly. You feelin’ lucky, punk?