Picturenose

Cruise controls

A double first for me. The first first (?) is that I am writing a review for the first time in a good long while. I’m sure James will thank me for the input in his own inimitable way. The second is that I am reviewing a film that stars Tom Cruise that I actually enjoyed. I wouldn’t normally spoil these lovely pages by lauding the stunted one’s celluloid output, but - and credit where it’s due - this is actually not half bad, Cruise or no Cruise.

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‘You better pray good…’

First Griner: [sarcastically] Canoe trip?
Lewis: That’s right, a canoe trip.
First Griner: What the hell you wanna go fuck around with that river for?
Lewis: Because it’s there.
First Griner: It’s there all right. You get in there and can’t get out, you gonna wish it wasn’t.

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Quantum leaps

So, that’s it then. With this movie review, Picturenose lays its cards on the table. Long live the new king - Daniel Craig, in just two portrayals, has wrested the ‘Best James Bond Ever’ title from one Sir Sean Connery (remember him?) and, in Quantum of Solace (2008), director Marc Forster and writers Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade have delivered the first direct Bond sequel. Boy, have they delivered…

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Vive Mesrine!

Let’s face it – no one does Real McCoy, well-’ard gangster flicks like we Europeans. Of course, Stateside, you can cite Scorsese’s Goodfellas (1990) or Casino (1995) and, at a pinch, Coppolla’s The Godfather (1972) but sorry, when it comes to what violence, fear of violence and callous characterizations are really all about, we have (among many others) Get Carter (1971). We’ve got The Long Good Friday (1980). Frankly, you’ve never really had a glass smashed into your face unless you’ve had it this side of the Atlantic, and there is a gritty, seamy, downright dirty side to the 70s gangster look and feel that only European pubs, bars, clubs and strip-joints can effectively convey.

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Vengeance is mine!

Of the many adaptations of legendary graphic novel author Alan Moore, James McTeigue’s V for Vendetta (2005) is one that I think he would approve of. I say ‘think’, because he famously eschews the advances of the movie industry, and neither licenses nor watches any of the Hollywood adaptations of his art, preferring to let the graphic artists take the credit and the cash. He certainly wouldn’t like how the scriptwriters have changed the mission of the central character, V (Hugo Weaving), from anarchy to a much more screen-friendly freedom, but he’d probably enjoy how the style of the film captures the essence and feel of the original graphic novel series. Of course, I can’t and won’t speak for him, as he has already publicly denounced the screenplay, by Andy and Larry Wachowski, as ‘crap’ - I think he’s probably wrong.

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Turn-a-boat

Following in the wake of another notable maiden-voyage catastrophe, it really isn’t the best of nights for sparkling ship Poseidon. The luxurious cruise liner is hit by a huge rogue wave on its New Year’s voyage and, as anyone who has seen Ronald Neame’s 1972 original, The Poseidon Adventure, will tell you, is turned upside down. Ill-advisedly, most of the surviving 2,000 passengers decide to wait for the rescue teams.

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A hero’s reign in Spain

In the first Picturenose contribution to our new partnership with Cineuropa.org, James finds much to enjoy in a historical biopic starring Viggo Mortensen.

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Best of Impossible worlds?
Domesticity beckons for everyone’s favourite ’super-spy’ Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) - he has turned his back on active duty and is now training new IMF (Impossible Mission Force) agents.

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The Knight is always darkest just before the dawn…

We’ve come a long way from Zok!, Pow! and Splat! The Batman has always been a bit of an outsider in the comic-book realm. He has no special magical powers, relying instead on his wits, instincts and physical strength to fight crime, alongside some impressive gadgetry.

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Aaaarrrgh!
For this reviewer’s pieces-of-eight, while it is perhaps pointless to nitpick at one of the greatest trilogies in Summer blockbuster history, director Gore Verbinski’s second stab, Dead Man’s Chest (2006), is now officially the Pirates of the Carribean franchise’s finest hour. When a sequel was this good (remember the treats we had? An incredible sword-fight on a loose rotating water wheel, Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) doing the nasty on poor old Captain Jack Sparrow (he wishes), Bill Nighy as ‘ol Squid Face Davy Jones and his pet Kraken, and, of course, the surprise comeback of Captain Barbossa, the magisterial Geoffrey Rush), it was always going to be very difficult to top.

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