Picturenose

Butcher’s hands, gentle souls

Feeling slightly guilty about tearing into Steven Spielberg’s latest, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (not because I’ve changed my mind but because normally I love Spielberg’s work, it being one of the reasons why it’s great to critique film), it seemed an appropriate time to go back to his previous, Munich, a troubling work from a director (just about) at the top of his game.

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Wholly terrifying

In terms of that cold heart-thump, the scare that’s so sought after by strange people such as myself but so rarely found, David Fincher’s Se7en (1995) is probably as good as it got during the past decade or so, at least in the US, while Fabrice du Welz’s Belgian horror show, Calvaire (2004) kept up the European end.

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A great heist movie? Bank on it

About 15 minutes into Spike Lee’s Inside Man, I started to get that sinking feeling. Here we go again. Triffic. Another robbery thriller with really nasty criminals (led by Clive Owen as Dalton Russell) versus the good guys (with Denzel Washington as honest, tough, smooth-talking cop Keith Frazier in charge). You know the kind? Think Die Hard (1988). Again.

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Hard on Baz’s Bard
It is with great interest that I learned the Australian soap actor-turned director Baz Luhrmann has a new film coming up this year. It’s called Australia, and the early reports indicate it might be good. That’s a relief, because since Strictly Ballroom (1992), his movies have been - how can I put this - nauseating, over-produced crap.

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So long, Doctor Jones…

You’re all expecting a rave, aren’t you? Shades of ‘your reviewer arrived flushed and breathless, gentle reader, after thrilling once more to the exploits of Indiana Jones in the latest action-packed installment, and couldn’t wait to share his joy with world’. Sorry, but think again, and prepare yourself for a rude awakening. The magic is over, and all we’re left with, in chapter four, is an historical artefact of bygone glories.

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Normally, a 65-year-old man touting a bullwhip would be the kind of thing to make me swear off eating cheese before bedtime, but I am of course referring to the latest offering in the incredibly popular Indiana Jones series of movies. James has now seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - read his review here.

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Past-it action hero

All good things…

Except in Hollywood, of course, they frequently don’t come to an end, do they? With franchise ‘three-quels’ and fourth installments now all the rage, the time seems wearily appropriate for catching up with John McLane (and, this time around, his grown-up daughter) and booing and hissing at the latest evil villain, with whom he must match wits.

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Shit and run

It really must have seemed like a great idea at the time. Quentin Tarantino teamed up with Sin City director Robert Rodriguez for a 70s sleaze-fest double bill, Grindhouse, which combines Rodriguez’s zombie-schlock-splatter extravaganza Planet Terror (2007) with Tarantino’s offering, Death Proof, plus several fake 70s-style trailers.

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The same procedure…?

I was chatting with a German friend over lunch, and the subject of the Germans’ love of English comedy came up. This in turn led to a discussion of the phenomenon that is Dinner for One. It’s essentially a recording of an 18-minute music hall sketch, performed in English by an English actor and actress. Never heard of it? If you’re a Brit, I’m not surprised - to the best of my knowledge it has never been shown on UK television. The odd thing about it is that it is amazingly popular in countries such as Germany, Denmark, Austria and Sweden. It is always shown in the original English, and rarely (if ever) dubbed or subtitled. Every New Year’s Eve in these countries and others, the sketch is broadcast - often several times over the evening so everyone gets a chance to see it. It is as much a part of the German New Year as vomiting in a shop doorway is to the English.

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Terror vision

This is an astonishingly grim picture - quite simply, it redefines horror. Rarely (all too rarely) is a director courageous enough to transcend the clichés and clunkers associated with the genre, to remain true to his vision and offer audiences an opportunity to discover what a fear film can do, when it’s done right. The last example was Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) - a tour de force which, despite its title and reputation, was actually short on blood and guts but very long on atmosphere, sweaty claustrophobia and ‘Oh-my-God-make-it-stop’ terror. Make no mistake - at this level, the horror film is simply out to get you. And Calvaire, which was the first feature from young Belgian director Fabrice du Welz makes Massacre look like a rural idyll.

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